Hello everyone! Just a quick note before this week’s post. I have received an overwhelmingly positive response since I started posting my work. It’s great to know that you are enjoying it. This has been very fun for me. As always, I would love to hear your feedback, critical or not. Feel free to send me a message regarding any of my posts whenever you'd like. Thank you for reading! This is likely my most disorganized blog post to date, and I am okay with that. The past month has found itself to be extremely difficult for me as I found myself in a bit of a depression. I had absolutely no ambition to do anything with my life and was ready to give up on everything. This was extremely difficult for me to get out of, as it usually is. Most of what I will be writing about today is about what I have been thinking of recently. That being my current and future career and education, and how it's made me feel as of lately. I recently found a new job and although it's been great for me financially, the shift in routine has completely destroyed me. I found myself unable to sleep most nights and as a result I would sleep for hours throughout the daytime instead. I have no work-life balance and I hate it. I used to go rock climbing three to four times a week, typically after school, yet I have not fully committed myself to going in about a month. I even cancelled my membership to my climbing gym as a result of that. I used to have leisure activities, and now all I seem to be doing is working. Unfortunately, I can't do everything I would like to do. As frustrating as it is, I am working for a reason, but we'll get more into my finances in another blog post. In addition, I have also been struggling with school. I am not currently a university student, but I would like to be. I am currently upgrading courses in order to obtain the grade requirements for university, which is embarrassing for me to admit. I feel so ashamed of my academic status. I gave up any efforts to have good grades during my last year of grade school, and am now facing the consequences of my apathy. I understand that there is no right or wrong way to go about your life, more specifically in education, and career. Everyone does things at their own pace. I just can't help but feel so behind in my academics when comparing myself to others my age. The problem is that I know exactly what I want in life. I am just frustrated with myself for not have taken the conventional steps to get there. As many of you know, I have been exploring my creative outlets. While thinking about what I might do as a career, I recognized that I could definitely form one out of them. Unfortunately, I have never found myself to be someone who has committed myself to one particular thing. It’s hard to explore career options when I feel as though I have not found a personal identity within my creative fields. I do not consider myself a writer, although I write. I do not consider myself a photographer (mostly because many of my photos are shot on my phone), although I certainly have an eye for photography and can take photographs. I do not consider myself a stylist, makeup artist, or fashion designer, although I have worked on numerous creative projects having done all three. I am everything and nothing at the same time. There is no particular thing that defines me, which is okay for now, but it worries me when it comes to deciding on my future career and education. I know what I like and dislike. Sometimes I want to do everything and other times I want to do nothing. I always tend to overwork or underwork myself and it always leads to disappointment. Everything feels impossible, it's hard to remind myself that it's not. As most of us are, I am actively trying to figure my life out. I do not have a conclusion, but I do not think there will ever be one. It's important to talk about education and career. They go hand in hand, but I like to remember that, much like ourselves, the two are constantly changing (in theory or practice) with or without each other. Some things will never go as planned, and I think that's okay. Any difficulty or rejection is an opportunity for new direction. I would love to hear your thoughts on it.
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